It is important not to make a problem out of existential pain. The pain of existence is an internal sense of not being enough. It feels like an ache, sadness, or depression. Most people try to alleviate this feeling through some distracting activity. It doesn’t work. The way out of existential pain is to be actively aware of it without judgment ― to say It’s okay not to be okay. It’s an allowing that doesn’t judge. It’s just open, like a pure lens that doesn’t corrupt or distort. The key is to breathe and allow ― a deep kind of intimacy where you become really still and yet profoundly active.
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It seems to often be a vicious cycle… feeling the pain, becoming aware of it & allowing it… but then it’s a challenge to keep allowing & not have the self take over even more. And the selfing part really tries to dig in and take hold… using self-judgment to “corrupt” the awareness, and hold on to the painful feeling state, terrified of not existing.
How to reconnect with joy in the midst of this process? Or is that what makes it difficult… approaching it like a process?
August 9th, 2010 permalinkYes, Rebecca, it is a challenge. What you can do is, if the self takes over, then allow that. Watch it from a place of stillness. Let your body be still and your breath deep and gentle. It will rebel against you and try to get you to identify with it. See if you can just be present and watch it — curiously, to find out what it will do.
It doesn’t like this, but that’s okay.
If this seems excessively challenging, then try going for a walk, hike, or some other physical activity with the same calm attention to thought, feeling, and sensation (especially body sensation). This will help you ground the presence more deeply and get you out of your thinking mind for a while.
As for approaching it like a process: Process implies time. Is there a “process” for watching a sunset, or do you just watch? Is there time to think? The joy is in the depth/quality/stillness of the watching, regardless of what is being watched.
Allow.
August 10th, 2010 permalinkYes. Thank you, James.
August 21st, 2010 permalinkI second the thank you
August 22nd, 2010 permalinkI struggle too with staying conscious and out of mental identification when the mind rebels. And this mental rebellion often takes many unexpected forms -sometimes it’s in my head, sometimes it comes from a member of my birth family, or an acquaintance. So much can get triggered all at once, and I feel overloaded and not very joyful or grateful.
Also, for me the difference between allowance and indulgence is often a very fine line and difficult to discern. It’s so important to stay on top of the mind before the negativity builds up needlessly and explodes. Consistent, daily spiritual practice is absolutely key. Presence power is like a muscle, a skill that can be honed and developed. Presence and “curative awareness” is more likely to arise spontaneously in stressful situations when we have been consciously cultivating a relationship with it.
August 28th, 2010 permalinkThanks, Angela.
September 17th, 2010 permalink